Okay, so I just turned 66 and these old bones are tired of railing against our corrupt local Goodwill franchise. Don’t get me wrong. I still have a couple of dozen ideas for off-the-wall satire and could continue until they come and take me away. I would like to sell the Goodwill related sites to try and recoup some of the massive economic loss that I experienced following my rigged and arranged exit from the very lucrative book bonanza known as the Pound Store…an exit caused by my exposure of a huge theft scheme by a group of dishonest customers and at least one Goodwill employee. Massive amounts of donated product were diverted into the hands of some very seedy customers. Lyin’ Bob, Palmetto Goodwill’s CEO, believed that it was more important to sweep this sordid affair under the rug than to punish the perpetrators. These assholes are still welcome at Goodwill.
The terms of sale may be adjusted over the coming weeks but, at present, are as follows:
1) I will not reveal a sale price on this blog. I will say, however, that it is in the mid-five figures. In order to get the exact price you or your attorney must send a certified letter of inquiry to me at the following address: Greg Geddings, 1208 Williams Land, Hanahan, SC 29410. Any correspondence that I get via standard mail will not elicit a response.
2) 14 days after your check clears, I will turn over the reins of not just this blog, but the Smiling G Sucks site as well. After that they are yours to do with as you please. If you are a well-to-do do-gooder who wants to take up the mantle and continue the quest to force a change at this sad excuse for a charity, I will be glad to stay on for up to 90 days (gratis) and initiate you in the mysteries of wordpress. After that, for a small fee, I will act as a consultant.
3) If you are some damned misguided fool who has deluded him/herself into believing that Palmetto Goodwill walks on water, you can do anything you want with these two sites. They are easy enough to delete once you have access to the very convoluted and complicated 14 digit passwords.
4) Under either circumstance I will sign a non-competitive clause and will cease my efforts to expose Palmetto Goodwill and its questionable leadership.
5) In order to avoid getting inquiries that are little more than fishing expeditions, I include a cumulative view of the activity of this blog. A couple of years ago I moved the Goodwill related articles from my 2big2fall site to another blog dedicated exclusively to Goodwill. In doing so I lost about 3 or 4 thousand views and had to start over again in the view count. That may have been a mistake as that blog is very active and is getting close to the 40,000 view mark. Also note that the other, smaller Goodwill site, Smiling G Sucks has garnered right at 2,100 views. That is pretty good considering I spend next to no time or effort on this secondary site.
6) If my sale offer does not get any bites I will also list the crucial Goodwill articles (Goodwill CEO Lie to Post and Courier?,etc.) on the 2big2fall site to generate even more traffic. At any rate, 7,559 hits is not too shabby. (Note that the “best ever” figure is the highest number of hits in one day).
You can click the images to enlarge…
Below is a cumulative look at my main website 2big2fall. I had to include two graphs because the site was started in 2009 and the standard overview only starts at May of 2013. Note that the 2011 figures are way high.This was due to a single photo that I included damn near went viral. What appears to be a decline in viewership is due to the fact that I moved the Goodwill articles to their own site.
7) The sale does not include the 2big2fall site.
8) The sale will NOT include the Bongo Monkey Turd image/concept. I will maintain the rights to old Bongo for future usage in another capacity. He will no longer represent Palmetto Goodwill. He hated working for the rat bastards anyway and was tired of working his ass off for chump change and bananas…not to mention the groveling executives who pestered him continually. 9) Buyer must agree to pay any and all federal and state income/social security tax that may be levied on the sale.
10) Make up your mind. If there are no takers, this offer will be rescinded on January 1, 2016 and the article will go poof*. I will then rekindle the process of uploading even more stuff. I have a buttload of ideas in my files and will pay special attention to undermining the ongoing process of preparing Bob’s incompetent goober of a son, David, for the CEO chair once the head charlatan retires.
Here is a sneak peek of another idea. I call it Alliteration Bob:
*Then again, I might just keep it up because it was a buttload of fun for me and that’s all that really counts! Besides, if I close it down on Jan. 1, I may miss the opportunity to sell it to somebody who just won the Mega-Lottery and wants to fuck around with any Goodwill anywhere because he worked for them once and wants to make life as miserable for the sorry bastards as they made it for him before he finally won his one-hundred and sixty-million-dollar payday.
I will then demand that he keep me on (at a generous salary) and, together, we will start the process of wining, dining, and bribing local media with bucket loads of cash, hookers, and extravigant soirees featuring really good circus performers…not just some local half-drunk juggler in a reeking, tattered clown suit (with a female counterpart who plays an out-of-tune banjo and the only song she knows is “Rocky Top”).
Seriously? Did you expect more from Goodwill?
Of course, we will feature Fresh Local White Shrimp instead of that cheap Thai shrimp Palmetto Goodwill serves up at their Halloween extravaganzas.
Thai shrimp grows to maturation in mosquito-infested canals that are periodically flushed with industrial hog waste. Workers make $1.27 per fourteen hour day and are not allowed bathroom breaks. Pregnant women, after six months, only make $1.09 per day (because they are allowed two three minute bathroom breaks).
Thai shrimp is nurtured on a diet of dried, flaked oxen shit and hospital lunch room sludge imported from Haiti.