Here is something for a little rainy day fun for kids of all ages. Print out the photoshops and make your own funny Bongo Monkey Turd figure. Think of this as an homage to Palmetto Goodwill! I am sure that their corporate office will appreciate any funny pictures that you send them. On second thought, maybe you shouldn’t do that for the following reasons:
1) Secretary opens envelope from local kindergarten. Sees a pile of BMT cutouts. Freaks out and runs upstairs to hand the envelope to her supervisor.
2) Supervisor looks quizzically at pictures…laughs if no one is around…runs downstairs to hand the offending material to his immediate superior.
3) Immediate superior expresses outrage (but inwardly chuckles) and hands pictures to CFO who is standing nearby.
4) CFO spews coffee all over janitor…rushes upstairs to hand the pictures to CEO…
5) CEO looks at pictures, curses, and hyperventilates. Puts rubber glove over head on advice of physician. Doesn’t help. Picks up phone to call attorney… screams for 20 minutes. Lawyer tells him to mail the envelope to her.
6) Distraught CEO decides, instead, to drive directly to lawyer’s office. Stopped by cop who notices rubber glove on head. Talks his way out of ticket. Finally arrives at his destination. Crashes car over curb and rolls into deep drainage ditch. Crawls into office on all fours and starts to howl like a coyote. Lawyer promises immediate action. CEO exits building and spends a few minutes sniffing around shrubs and leaving his mark. Bites the lock off a 10 speed bicycle and hauls ass down the road while whistling Dixie. Black guy drives by and hears the offending song…circles back and hurls a can of candied yams at the idiot in the tattered suit. Hits him in the head and he tumbles ass-over-heels into the bed of a broken down manure truck parked on shoulder. CEO chokes on a turd and runs into the road gasping for breath. Passing motorist administers Heimlich maneuver. Turd pops out and hits Hell’s Angel cruising by on his Harley. Angry bikers park their hogs and proceed to beat the crap out of CEO. Bikers drag him to side of road, strip him naked, tie him up, and suspend him upside down by his feet from a billboard (which ironically advertises Goodwill Industries). Firetruck arrives and crew decides to rescue a kitten stuck in a nearby tree before attending to naked man screaming unintelligible obscenities from billboard. CEO vows vengeance on anyone carrying the genes of Rube Goldberg.
7) Lawyer returns unused taser to desk drawer and tells secretary to gather staff for important meeting. Announces that last phony mailing to CEO was a huge success. Directs attendees to make another big pile of crazy Bongo Monkey Turd collages to send next week. Employees spend the next three hours playing with scissors and glue. Crew is laughing so hard that coffee and donut bits spew out of their noses. Uses crayons to tally billing hours.
8) Law firm sends Palmetto Goodwill a $10,551.34* invoice for services rendered.
9) Secretary at PG opens bill and it is sent up the chain of command.
10) CEO decides to take money for bill out of the wages of the already underpaid lower level workers.
11) CEO goes to church the following Sunday. Can’t remember what preacher said because he was too busy polishing and admiring his own halo.
12) A week later CEO receives another package and reaches for rubber glove.
13) In order to pay mounting legal bills, command decision is made to stop paying lower level employees altogether. Board of Directors approve the measure. Supply department manager orders 1000 ball and chain units and 500 electric shock collars.
*The extra $551.34 was added for cleaning and repairing the soiled and chewed up carpet in the foyer of Nexsen Pruet.